To tell mom or nah?

So I met my future husband exactly a week ago today and we’ve hung out almost every day since then–whether we’re just chilling, watching netflix, cuddling, sleeping, eating lunch at the union, or playing with his dog. It’s been great having someone to do things with…like having a best friend that you can flirt with. I like him more and more each time I see him, and I’m genuinely very happy with my life right now and the way things are going. (I am hoping {expecting-*fingers crossed*} to get an acceptance letter to medical school soon!)

So I’ve been missing a lot of my moms calls lately since I’ve been hanging out with this guy, and my parents have been kind of suspicious because I like never miss one of their calls. So yesterday my mom called and was complaining about how “I don’t love her anymore” because I haven’t called her in a while. Then she said “You’re dad wants to know if you have a boyfriend?” — (I have no idea how he does this but, somehow, my dad can always tell when’s something up and he always finds out everything…I mean, I literally live hours away from my parents and he’s still able to tell when I act different). Anyways, I reply to her question nonchalantly by saying “No, I don’t have a boyfriend ha” and then she’s like “Do you have a friend-boy?” And I’m like “No, mom.” So I tried acting as normal as possible, but like I said, my parents always know when something’s up so i don’t know if I convinced them or not. But I just tried to talk about how I’ve just been super stressed lately with school stuff and that’s why I’ve been frustrated when I’ve talked to her lately.

So today I met my guy for lunch at the union and I thought it was a funny story so I told him. And then I was trying to like read what he was thinking (I wasn’t very successful), but it seemed like he either (1) didn’t think it was a funny story/didn’t care, (2) was glad I didn’t tell my mom about him, or (3) his feelings were hurt that I didn’t want to tell my mom about him or that I hadn’t told her about him.

Well later tonight after he got off work we were talking and he randomly said “And I’ve told my mom and sis about you lol…since you brought up your mom. I told em before today tho lol.” So I guess it was #3. I mean he just randomly brought it up in conversation and felt the need to tell me he had told his mom and sister about me so I guess it bothered him that I hadn’t told my parents about him or something. So this made me feel really bad because I want him to know that I really like him and want to be in a serious relationship with him. So I said “Oh really? Haha that’s sweet 🙂 I was going to tell my mom about you when she came up this weekend ha” and he said “Awh”… So now I feel like I should tell my mom about him but, then again, we haven’t been talking for long and we’re not official yet. Plus my parents act weird when I’m seeing someone–I don’t want them making comments like “are you with someone? are you at so-and-so’s house?” and stalking him on facebook haha. So I think I’m going to wait to tell them. I just need to find the right time.

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Pre-Med Update

So I’ve taken the MCAT (and scored fairly well on it), applied to medical school, had an interview, and am currently waiting to hear if I have been accepted to said medical school. Should know in a couple of weeks *fingers crossed*

–Wish me luck!

Serious this time

So I think I found my next boyfriend… and I’m serious this time lol

This isn’t just another one of those guys that I rant on and on about. He’s different. Tonight, he whispered that he really liked me in my ear while we cuddled watching The Office on Netflix. I really like him too. Wow, that all sounds so high school…but, seriously, I really have a crush on this guy, and I could see myself with him in the future. I haven’t felt this way with someone in a long time. It just feels right-emotionally (and physically) lol

I think he’s a keeper 🙂

 

Out of Meds

The fact that I’m making an effort to write a post is surprising. It’s hard for me to think about what’s going on in my life. I just see the bad sometimes.

I ran out of my medication…currently waiting on a new prescription. I can tell. I couldn’t stop crying all weekend about the littlest things. I honestly thought I was over this whole “depression” thing, but it turns out that I’m not.

I think I’m just broken somehow. Like the chemicals in my brain are just off-balance and there’s no way to ever fix them. I’m stuck in this place. I’m dependent on medication. At least for now, the medication works. It helps me to stop crying. It helps me to not think about the sad things in my life.

But it doesn’t help with my anxiety. The stress I have feels like a ton of bricks on me. Like I’m swimming in the ocean and someone keeps pushing my head under water. I’m constantly in this battle with my anxiety to keep from drowning. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I can’t. Because that would mean that I would fail, and that’s not acceptable. But I am getting tired now. It’s getting harder and harder to keep pushing myself to accomplish the things I want in life. It’s getting harder being alone.

I feel so alone. I feel like I’m going through life all by myself at the moment. Like no one else knows what it is like to have this much anxiety. Like no one knows what it is like to be stressed about getting into medical school. Like no one knows what it is like to be taking the classes I am taking and working on a thesis project. Like no one knows what it is like to have a job on top of everything else. At least no one I know.

Especially men. Or should I say “boys.” No one likes the fat girl. No one likes the fat girl that wears t-shirts all the time. The one that doesn’t flash her cleavage any chance she gets. No one likes the fat girl that isn’t in a sorority. At least a sorority gives the fat girl a higher status. No one likes the fat girl who doesn’t talk much. No one likes the smart fat girl because she’s too intimidating.No one likes the fat girl that is quiet. No one likes the fat girl that isn’t popular.

No one likes the fat girl = No one likes me

Good times like these are what we’ll remember

My roommate and I were watching one of Donald Glover’s (aka Childish Gambino) comedy shows on our front porch tonight since the weather has finally gotten warmer. After the show was over, we noticed some flashlights across from our house and noticed there were police talking to some guys in one of the town-homes in our neighborhood. So, naturally, my roommate and I decided to get the binoculars from our other roommate’s room, go upstairs to my bedroom, open the window above my bed, and lay down on my bed to spy on them. The police never arrested anyone, but they made one of the guys smash this “keg-like” thing that we think must have been some kind of paraphernalia. It lasted about 30 minutes, and it was really interesting to watch because the police kept running up and down the three-story town-home and you could see their flashlights shining through the windows of each floor.

I hope the good times like these are what we’ll remember.